What is sitting on your shoulders?

This may be a weird question but taking time to answer it periodically for yourself can be eye-opening. There are so many metaphors related to this question, such as the angel-and-devil idea or “the weight of the world.” My unique twist is to view it as connected self on one side and disconnected self on the other.

When we recognize all the ways we are connected to ourselves, others, and the world around us, we feel capable and encouraged. Our thoughts trend in positive directions when we remind ourselves of these connections. Our actions follow suit leading us to engage in helpful, healthy, rewarding tasks, persisting through challenges when we face them.

However, the disconnected self can sometimes bend our ears especially when unexpected outcomes occur. We didn’t get that promotion at work so we start wondering what went wrong, opening ourselves up for the flood of self-doubt, anger, or shame-based thoughts. Perhaps our emotions get the better of us and we lash out with words, maybe bad-mouthing the colleague who was promoted. It’s easy to create the “us vs. them” mindset when our disconnected self is in control.

If you’re feeling unappreciated, burnt out, or excluded, stop and answer the question - Which self are you listening to? Chances are the disconnected self has been holding court in your mind, convincing you that you don’t belong, your contributions don’t matter. If that’s the case, stop and breathe. Imagine watching the “tennis match” between your two selves and the breath you just took was a much needed rain delay. Now you get to go into the locker room with one of your selves - which do you choose?

I hope you choose the connected self and that you give yourself the best pep talk ever. Remind yourself of the strengths you carry, the friends you have, the capability you have to help others. We give ourselves the greatest gift, to know that we matter, when we help someone else no matter how small the task. Hearing the “thank you” from the other person proves that our existence matters; our decision to help someone else positively affected that person’s life in that moment, which would not have happened without us. We must embrace that good feeling about ourselves in those moments because they become the reminder for the next time our disconnected self makes an appearance. Make time to inspire yourself with all the ways you’re connected. The person waiting for help will thank you!

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