Recently, I was reflecting on a moment during a self-improvement seminar that I attended after college. The facilitator asked us to to make a quick choice between chocolate or vanilla. Being an "equal opportunity sweets eater," this was a challenging choice because I like both flavors. I remembered choosing chocolate but I couldn't tell you the point of that exercise anymore.
What resonates with me now as I think about that moment is the connection to leadership. Leadership for many individuals is based on the idea of "either-or" rather than "both-and." For those who stand firmly in the "either-or" approach, it can sound like "either I assert myself in some way as the leader or no one will take me seriously." Another example could be "either I go with my plan over the team's plan or I risk failing this task." It's as if the leader believes that being a version of "Attila the Hun" is the only way to lead; sadly, this may leave the team members thinking their ideas and contributions don't matter. (Our leadership style comes out of our childhood experiences, for sure, but that's for another blog post!)
Bringing the notion of "both-and" into leadership offers more flexibility and builds employee morale, but it requires the leader to sustain healthy self-confidence. In other words, "both-and"leaders need to trust themselves in that authority role and also trust that their team members respect that. Therefore, a good leader is capable of being both assertive when needed and a good collaborator without anyone questioning their role as the leader. Employees want to feel that their contributions are valued. A confident leader makes time to listen as an integral part of the plan because they're identity as the person in charge is secure.
When doubts set in or setbacks occur, some leaders revert to the "either-or" approach out of fear. Reminding ourselves that we are in this leadership role for a reason allows us to regain confidence and avoid disenfranchising team members. We don't have to choose to lead in "either-or" fashion. Instead, we can choose the "both-and" approach, opening up real opportunities to grow as leaders and truly mentor the next generation. This is another facet of Leveled Leadership(SM).
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